31

I actually was looking forward to turning 31. Starting a new year and hopefully making it better than the last. Unfortunetly 31 so far has sucked! It actually started to really suck about 48hrs ago. Life is changing around here. We have to find some where to live in 6 weeks. Yep 6 freakin weeks!!! That means search for a new apartment or house, pack, move, unpack and during all of that I need to deal with leaving the last place we lived with Olivia before she died. Ugh........ I know it sounds crazy and no one will understand why that is so difficult but for me it's absolutley one of the hardest things for me. But I have no choice to just deal with it and move on. And that is what I will do...............

Thankfully tomorrow is a new day and hopefully 31 can just get better from here!

Kinda quiet around here....

We had a quiet and peaceful weekend. Friday night we had spaghetti night and just hung out at home. Saturday we didn't do a darn thing but have brats on the grill in honor of German Fest in Lincoln Square this weekend. Sunday we had a picnic with HL. It was the perfect day for a picnic and we had a great time. Maddy had so much fun playing with our favorite twins Jack and Meghan. We have an open house at school tomorrow night and we are looking forward to seeing what Maddy will be up to this year.

If you have a chance please check out this blog. http://www.charitymom.blogspot.com/  This family also lost their baby daughter to leukemia. Jenny, Allie's mom is doing great things in the Dallas area to help cancer kids and their families in need.  Jenny is a wonderful writer and she has helped me find some peace throughout my journey.

Here are some pics from the HL picnic.

Do I still fit in?

I have been going to a bearvement group for 5yrs as of today. This group meets twice a month. I try my best to get to every meeting I can for myself but especially for Maddy. She really needs it and enjoys going. We have the whole month of August off because of the warm weather and the facility we use does not have AC. Tonight was our first night back. There were a few new families tonight and I started to wonder do I still fit in? Someone asked for my opinion on something since I was 5 yrs out. I sat quietly for awhile because it felt like yesterday that was me walking in the door wondering what life would be like in 5yrs. There have been times in the last year or so that I felt like maybe I didn't belong there anymore. But I think I felt that way because there are some very pushy religious people that made me feel bad about my beliefs and feelings. Over the summer I decided that I wasn't going to let them keep from group. So there I was today the only person that has been a bearved parent for over 5yrs. Again with this feeling of do I still fit in. I still want to be there and I know it really is good for Maddy to be with other children who understand what she has been through. I guess I just need to remind myself that I'm not a failure because I'm still there. Maybe sometimes you just need to be with others who for if at least for one minute can understand what I feel. Even after 5yrs this process doesn't get any easier.........

2nd grade

Today was Maddy's first day of 2nd grade. The day started off great! Ella was here to wake Maddy up and that made her day. We had breakfast together and everyone got dressed and headed to Agassiz Elementary School for the big day. Boy the school play ground was packed! Maddy spotted her friends right away and was off running around within 2 minutes. We got Maddy up to her room with all her supplies and said our goodbyes. Maddy could care less about saying bye to me, she was worried about what she'd miss at home with Ella! Ella gave her a big kiss and a wave and off we went! We picked Maddy up this afternoon and she was happy as could be! She loves her teacher and is happy to be back with her friends. Looks like 2nd grade is going to be GREAT!

Do you think there is Kindergarten in heaven?

So you would think that is a question Maddy would ask. No that's me wondering if there is Kindergarten in heaven. This year Olivia would have been starting Kindergarten. I often wonder what people think about heaven. I know it's kind of a werid question and well not something that would come up in a normal conversation, but since Olivia died I often wonder what heaven is like. I guess because I have no idea what goes on up there, I just make stuff up to make myself feel better. So I'm going to go with what makes me feel better and wish her a fantastic 1st day of Kindergarten! xoxoxo

a hair cut, an ear infection, some baby talk, oh and a name change too!

We started our day off with Maddy complaining of some left ear pain. So we ran to the doctor for a quick check and yes of course she has an ear infection!  We got her meds and some motrin for pain and we were on our way. Next stop Snippets for a hair cut. I've been going back and forth about Maddy getting bangs. She has been growing her hair out but I just wasn't loving what it was looking like. But I gave her the option to choose bangs or not. After oh lets say 10 minutes of big decision making she chose to try bangs again, they will always grow back. Her hair looks cute and she seems happy, for the moment! While we were out and about Maddy told me something very important. She has decided to change her name! Oh yes my sweet child would like to get rid of the name Madison and only be called Maddy. It's much more hip and in style! What can you say to that?????? So I promised her that I would do my very best to call her Maddy and respect her wishes. OY!

BABY TALK!

This is also something very very important that Maddy has been talking about for a few weeks now. She would like David and I to buy a baby!!! Yes you read it right, buy a baby!!!!!Not adopt or get pregnant(well she'd like me to have a baby too, but that's way to time consuming and she has no patience for that she told me), buy one. She would like the baby to only be a girl, so I'm guessing she thinks if we buy a baby we get to pick if it's a boy or girl. She told me to go to the bank and get a loan and she would help pay it back. She also would like the baby to sleep in her room and she will do EVERYTHING for the baby. Change diapers, middle of the night feedings, bathes, etc... I try to tell her we can't buy a baby and she does not like that answer. Her answer is yes mom we can and have you been to the doctor about having your own baby too, I'm not getting any younger! What's a mom to do??? I told her I'll look into buying a baby and get back to her :) I'll keep you posted!

Let the blogging begin!

I started this blog with the intention of keeping all our family and friends up to date on all the happenings in the Honaker household! Join me on my journey of everyday life with a hubby, an 8yr old and a small zoo, oh and all the laundry I love to do.........................